dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
