i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
