I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
