Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
