Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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