maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize