So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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