Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
