I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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