Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
