Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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