Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
