Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
