A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Holy shit dude........stairs
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
