my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
