I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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