also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
third nipple confirmed
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
