Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
