I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
