Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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