I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You are the jesus of drinking
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
