I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
