I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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