I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
