A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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