we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
And then the night went full on bisexual.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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