He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
