10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
