Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
