I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
