my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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