i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
My balls are so social today.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
