So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Four minutes until I can fart!
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
