y did u give ur computer a hand job?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
