i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
