Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
