dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize