it's too hot outside to masturbate.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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