Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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