; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
We are all done wearing pants today
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
