I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
