after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
