i jhust puked up my retainher.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
