i don't like sucking hair
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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