it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Come back. Shots need mouths.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
