trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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