So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
