You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
