I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
