dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
i've created a new STD.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
