When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
