I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
