Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Couch. On fire.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
