Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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