Ambien. No doubt about it.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
