i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
