I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Randomize
