This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
