just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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