I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
