I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
