I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Can you bring me the toilet please
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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