You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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