i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
