i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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