he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize