UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
The cops high fived after they tackled you
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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