i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
