his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
