he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
