Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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