I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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