you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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