Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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