the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
