i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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