dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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