I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
