Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize