i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
