we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
