hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
