Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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