I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
