no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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