Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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