this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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