I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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