I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
