I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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