; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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