I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
