I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
