the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Duck Duck Cougar?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
