Only a mothe r could love this liver
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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