I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
