just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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