just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
