my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Text me some of your sweat
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