it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize