i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
