I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
