I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
