I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
