There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize
